How It Went Down

I said I'd keep you posted on how my daughter's whole graduation thing went down so let's start at the end: SHE MADE IT! Our brilliant,...

This is what happens when your daughter works in an "intimacy boutique"

Adam trying to go voluntarily comatose while our daughter and her bestie discuss their favorite condom brands: 😂 Not that I wasn't...

Why You Should Talk to Someone Whose Voice You Haven't Heard in 42 Years

Cathleen and I met in a dreadful fashion on the first day of first grade at Pleasant Hill Elementary school in Austin, Texas. Our teacher,

That is NOT How This Sh*t is Going Down

How refinancing a mortgage is equivalent to anal rape; why I need to burn my daughter's school to the ground; heartburn is not a sign to

Reason #732 Why Aging Sucks

Add this to the list of things that suck about getting old: Barnacles of life. I swear to God, this is a real thing - look it up. Here,...

All The Mom-Feels of a College Campus Tour

All the emotions during my daughter's future college campus as told with GIFs.

How I Met a Nearly-Naked Kevin Costner in His Living Room

Did I ever tell you about the time I met a nearly-naked Kevin Costner in his living room? Here's how it happened. Let's hop in the...

A Gentle Love Letter to Menopause - With Swearing

Dear Menopause, Look, you fucking cunt-faced bag of rabid dicks, I’m calling you out. Show up and fight me like a woman. You’ve been...

Claritin D Hallucinations

Claritin D is a psychoactive hallucinagen for me. It's the D part that does it and I'm starting to suspect that it always has. Which...

The Chihuahua That Poops Pearls

At 2 a.m. this morning, I was awakened by dozens of tiny but annoying stabbing sensations in my butt and I reached down under the covers to

xanaru

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