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- May 24, 2017
- 2 min
How It Went Down
I said I'd keep you posted on how my daughter's whole graduation thing went down so let's start at the end: SHE MADE IT! Our brilliant,...
- May 13, 2017
- 1 min
This is what happens when your daughter works in an "intimacy boutique"
Adam trying to go voluntarily comatose while our daughter and her bestie discuss their favorite condom brands: 😂 Not that I wasn't...


- May 12, 2017
- 3 min
Why You Should Talk to Someone Whose Voice You Haven't Heard in 42 Years
Cathleen and I met in a dreadful fashion on the first day of first grade at Pleasant Hill Elementary school in Austin, Texas. Our teacher,


- May 10, 2017
- 4 min
That is NOT How This Sh*t is Going Down
How refinancing a mortgage is equivalent to anal rape; why I need to burn my daughter's school to the ground; heartburn is not a sign to
- Apr 14, 2017
- 1 min
Reason #732 Why Aging Sucks
Add this to the list of things that suck about getting old: Barnacles of life. I swear to God, this is a real thing - look it up. Here,...
- Mar 12, 2017
- 1 min
All The Mom-Feels of a College Campus Tour
All the emotions during my daughter's future college campus as told with GIFs.


- Mar 7, 2017
- 5 min
How I Met a Nearly-Naked Kevin Costner in His Living Room
Did I ever tell you about the time I met a nearly-naked Kevin Costner in his living room? Here's how it happened. Let's hop in the...


- Feb 17, 2017
- 9 min
A Gentle Love Letter to Menopause - With Swearing
Dear Menopause, Look, you fucking cunt-faced bag of rabid dicks, I’m calling you out. Show up and fight me like a woman. You’ve been...


- Feb 5, 2017
- 4 min
Claritin D Hallucinations
Claritin D is a psychoactive hallucinagen for me. It's the D part that does it and I'm starting to suspect that it always has. Which...


- Jan 31, 2017
- 4 min
The Chihuahua That Poops Pearls
At 2 a.m. this morning, I was awakened by dozens of tiny but annoying stabbing sensations in my butt and I reached down under the covers to