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May 11, 20173 min read
Why You Should Talk to Someone Whose Voice You Haven't Heard in 42 Years
Cathleen and I met in a dreadful fashion on the first day of first grade at Pleasant Hill Elementary school in Austin, Texas. Our teacher,


May 10, 20174 min read
That is NOT How This Sh*t is Going Down
How refinancing a mortgage is equivalent to anal rape; why I need to burn my daughter's school to the ground; heartburn is not a sign to
Apr 14, 20171 min read
Reason #732 Why Aging Sucks
Add this to the list of things that suck about getting old: Barnacles of life. I swear to God, this is a real thing - look it up. Here,...
Mar 12, 20171 min read
All The Mom-Feels of a College Campus Tour
All the emotions during my daughter's future college campus as told with GIFs.


Mar 7, 20175 min read
How I Met a Nearly-Naked Kevin Costner in His Living Room
Did I ever tell you about the time I met a nearly-naked Kevin Costner in his living room? Here's how it happened. Let's hop in the...


Feb 17, 20179 min read
A Gentle Love Letter to Menopause - With Swearing
Dear Menopause, Look, you fucking cunt-faced bag of rabid dicks, I’m calling you out. Show up and fight me like a woman. You’ve been...


Feb 5, 20174 min read
Claritin D Hallucinations
Claritin D is a psychoactive hallucinagen for me. It's the D part that does it and I'm starting to suspect that it always has. Which...


Jan 31, 20174 min read
The Chihuahua That Poops Pearls
At 2 a.m. this morning, I was awakened by dozens of tiny but annoying stabbing sensations in my butt and I reached down under the covers to


Jan 29, 20171 min read
A Miracle Written in Doggy Snot
This is a noseprint that Gemma left on the mirror behind my bedroom door and what I clearly see scrawled in doggy snot is "I ❤️ U&quo


Jan 24, 20173 min read
I Will Always Love You Gemma Junebug
Yesterday my darling Great Dane puppy, Gemma Junebug, died during her spay surgery. This is a tribute to her and the amazing light she broug


Jan 22, 20172 min read
Mother F***ing Girl Power
I wore my pink pussyshirt (not a knitter so I had to substitute pussyshirt for pussyhat), AND I wore my Mother Fucking Girl Power socks....


Jan 22, 20171 min read
Horrible Genius
Wife: "I found this cute little dog outside... he' scared. I'm going to bring him inside. He seems cold." Husband: THAT


Jan 16, 20174 min read
My Mom, MLK and the Supernatural Greeting Card
Mom sent me the perfect card a few months after she died. In addition to losing Mom, we had just lost our house and our business to the Gre


Jan 10, 20173 min read
Invisibility Sucks
Paybacks are hell; even though things had started off so swimmingly, with the hubby telling me a delightful story of a friend of ours experi