At 60, I got a brand new pair of roller skates

I may break a hip on these things, but I’m gonna do it dressed as if the 1977 versions of Stevie Nicks and Linda Ronstadt had a baby.

Not only did I get a brand new pair of roller skates (you can hear the song in your head, right?), I got a brand new pair of LEOPARD PRINT AND PINK GLITTER ROLLER SKATES. Because at almost 60, I have the maturity and fashion sense of a 12-year-old girl. Wanna see ‘em?

I know!! SO cute!

Hubby bought me some iridescent knee pads, elbow pads, wrist guards and made me promise to always wear a helmet when skating outdoors. But the helmet is blue and doesn’t coordinate with the leopard/pink at all, so now I have to paint it either sparkly pink or chrome or ooh! — I should do chrome with a sparkly pink dragonfly on it! When I am dressed in the full regalia, I am a complete and utter embarrassment to the Hubby — like I just stepped off the roller derby short bus — but he’s the one who insisted on the head to toe pads. Honestly, I wish they made matching iridescent hip and butt pads too, because at my age I’m very concerned about breaking a hip and would love to focus more protection in that region.

I may break a hip on these things, but I’m gonna do it dressed as if the 1977 versions of Stevie Nicks and Linda Ronstadt had a baby. If you don’t understand that reference, why is someone so young reading my Substack? Go tell your Mom that joke, she’ll get it.

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PS. After i posted this story, my friend Cathleen found me some padded shorts to help soften the potential blows to my posterior. I’m choosing to think they give me a Kim Kardashian ass — what do you think?