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May 28, 20195 min read
The Plan for My Auspicious Death at 97
I have known since 1976 that I will live to be 97 years old, just like my great-grandmother. I was 10-years-old when she died and at her fu
May 13, 20195 min read
Mother of Danes (or Why I Sleep with Livestock)
Living with a Great Dane is in every conceivable way exactly like having livestock in our home. Even more so than having a bunch of young c
May 6, 20193 min read
I Swear to You: Dispatch from a Cursing Connoisseur
I have been swearing semi-professionally since I was about 10-years-old. That’s the first time I remember using the word “fuck” and feeling
Apr 20, 20195 min read
I MET DAX SHEPARD AND MONICA PADMAN!!!
How I MET DAX SHEPARD AND MONICA PADMAN!!! And no, this did not only happen in my imagination like it normally does.
Apr 16, 20193 min read
I Know There's A Balance, I've Seen It When I Swing Past
Who knew it would be so hard to find the balance between work and fuckaboutery? I’m two weeks into this retirement gig and I’m somehow alr
Apr 13, 20196 min read
How Did I Get Here?
How did I go from an anxiety-ridden, suicidally depressed, self-absorbed, agoraphobic wreck who couldn’t be conscious on an airplane or step
Apr 5, 20196 min read
How to Electrocute Your Sister-in-Law
How to electrocute your sister in law and then be absolved of your treachery by faux Cher on Broadway
Apr 1, 20194 min read
Leader, Co-Worker or Food: Which One Are You?
Standing shoulder to shoulder in a crowded train car at Denver International Airport, I looked around at my fellow passengers to make my usu
Mar 31, 20193 min read
Let the F*ckabout-ery Begin
How to divert an identity crisis by donning a powdered wig and ruffled collar and acting out a song that Lin Manuel Miranda wrote and then c
Mar 29, 20191 min read
I Missed the Girl I Once Had Time to Be
Jason Isbell has an extraordinary gift for getting to the heart of a story: "Time flies when you're makin' babies, Do you miss your...